1-24-08

 

The Annoying of the Poo, a step-by-step instructional guide.

Step 1: When Miz Poo is settled and comfortable in her favorite cat bed (on The Momma’s desk), jump up on the desk and sit near the cat bed, almost close enough to touch the bed, but not quite.

Step 2: When Miz Poo looks angrily at you, give her a surprised look, like “Oh, I didn’t see you sitting there! How ya doin’? How’s The Momma? Seen any good movies lately? Sniffed any good butts?”

Step 3: When Miz Poo just glares angrily at you instead of making polite chitchat, narrow your eyes at her. Say “Oh, I see we’re not feeling friendly today. Shocker.”

Step 4: Make prolonged eye contact until her ears go back and she starts growling.

Step 5: Studiously look away from Miz Poo, as if you cannot be bothered with her childish games. Quietly say “I’m not touching you. I am not TOUCHING you, you know.”

Step 6: After enough time has passed, the annoyance of your being so close to Miz Poo will overwhelm her, and she will move from quiet growling to outright hissing. Pull your head back and give her an appalled look.

Step 7:Calmly watch as Miz Poo becomes so angry that she cannot stand to be in the same ZIP code, and she stomps off angrily. Sometimes a quick swat to her hindquarters as she stomps off can be a good addition to the game, but it often backfires, as she does not care to have her hindquarters touched and she will turn around like a wildcat and box you about your ears and that always makes The Humans laugh at you because you tend to close your eyes and wave your paws in the air in hopes of making contact. For the purposes of this instructional guide, no swatting of Miz Poo’s hindquarters was attempted.

Step 8: Revel in your victory.

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Previously
2007: She follows him downstairs and hangs out, giving him the Eyes of Love and all the other cats the Eyes of You-Go-To-Hell.
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.

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