“In 1982, Rodney Squirrel stuck the landing so hard that the judges had no choice but to give him 10s across the board, leading to an upset victory and the first gold medal awarded to an Alabaman. To this day, no one knows how this squirrel – an alternate who was a last-minute substitute for the ailing Charles D. Chipmunk, who was rumored to have accidentally eaten a green acorn – managed to spring his way into Rodentlympics history. It’s been suggested that cashews in the feeder were responsible for the amazing performance from this scrawny young squirrel.”

“Squirrels do love cashews, Bob.”

“Indeed they do, Jim. Indeed they do. After winning the Gold, Rodney immediately retired from competition and has spent the last 25 years touring the country, living off the fat of the land, and lecturing young rodents on how they, too, can force their way into sports history through sheer physical prowess. He’s fond of saying “It only takes once to make a career, kids!” He’s never managed another landing like the one he stuck in ’82. For sure, a once-in-a-lifetime move.”

* * *

“Okay, so you go left at the bird feeder… No, wait. You go right at the bird feeder, then left at the tree… no, that’s not right, either. I gotta confess, I was pretty whacked out on the ‘nip when we found the mole head, so I’m not sure exactly where it was. There was a ditch, though, I remember that. Probably if you follow the trail of tiny intestines, you’ll get to the mole head. Take a left, and you’ll find the rabbit leg Maxi left behind. I don’t guess that rabbit foot gave that guy much luck, huh? No small animals are safe when the mighty mighty Maxi is on the hunt, that’s for sure.”


2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.

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