11-29-09 – The Cookies & the Wonkas.

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I swear I’m going to need new slippers once the Cookies have moved on. They ADORE sharpening their little claws (and teeth!) on mine.

Hydrox has earned himself some nicknames. We call him “Brick” or “The Brick”, because he’s so much heavier than his siblings. You pick up one of his siblings, and then pick him up, and practically throw your back out. He’s not large, though, he just seems to weigh a lot for his size, if that makes any sense. Sometimes I call him “Brick Brickman” – that’s the name he’ll use when he grows up to be a news anchor. And Fred calls him “Hydro X”, which will be his rapper name when he decides that reading the news isn’t the career he truly wants.

Sleepy baby. Keebler, I think – he and Blue (TimTam) have the same shaped eyes, so if I can’t see the paws (Blue is the only kitten without white paws in this litter), I’m not sure which kitten it is.

This is why Orange has a blue ear: when I was taking them in for their testing, I wrote down their names and identifying characteristics to make it easier for the vet’s office to enter them into the computer. The issue I had was that Pink has a splash of orange at the end of her right ear (though we think it looks pinkish-orange, thus her original name of “Pink”) and I thought it would be too confusing to say that one kitten had orange at the end of her ear, and then another kitten had orange nail polish on the end of her ear (which has pretty much worn off, anyway), so I colored her ear with blue Sharpie to make it easier.

Of course, Blue started off with a dab of blue nail polish on the end of her ear, but that wore off and I replaced it with a dab of yellow nail polish because the blue was hard to see against her darkish ear. So we have Orange, with a blue ear, and Blue with a yellow ear. It drives Fred crazy, because it’s a bit confusing. But I know who’s who, and that’s what’s important, right?

Favorite thing to do in the closet: climb on top of that bag and grab the hook. It’s like their own personal brass ring!

“Goooooood evening, Brick Brickman here, reporting live from the stairs next to the bed. Earlier today, tragedy struck when young kitten Milano – also known as “Pink” – ate too much too quickly, and vomited all over these stairs. Join us in a few minutes as we examine the stains left behind and discuss with Dr. Elwood Grayfur the proper procedure for stuffing your face with food when you are a young kitten with a somewhat sensitive stomach. First, though, the weather, brought to you by Violet Beauregard, and sponsored by FreshStep cat litter, the litter that may be super dusty but really controls the litterbox stank!”

“Thanks, Brick. According to the view out the window, it looks like it’s cloudy with a chance of SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! I AM GOING TO CATCH THAT SQUIRREL AND EAT IT PARDON ME WHILE I POUND ON THE WINDOW WITH MY PAWS. ::CHATTER::CHATTER::CHATTER::”

“Alllllrighty, good luck with catching that squirrel, Violet. Let’s go to our sports commentator Mike Teevee. Mike?”

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight in the Kittenlympics, Veruca Salt ran from one end of the hall to the other in .12 seconds, which as I’m sure you all know is not only a personal record, but a Crooked Acres all-time record. It didn’t hurt, I’m sure, that Jake was on her tail the entire way. Veruca is a fierce competitor, and has been heard to say that no stinky boy is going to beat her. In the long jump, I myself was the winner – I jumped from the bed to the recliner, back to the bed, and made an attempt at the top of the bookcase. I didn’t make it, but I got to the third shelf before it was clear I wasn’t going to make it to the top and had to abort the attempt, ending up atop the dresser. As always, Augustus “Gus” Gloop won the napping portion of the Kittenlympics by curling up in the top of the cat tower and not moving one single whisker for six hours and fourteen minutes. That takes stamina, willpower, and one sleepy cat. I have Gus here in the studio with me. Gus! What’s your secret?”

“The ear floof is magic.”

“Annnnnd, back to you, Brick!”

“Thanks, Mike. Next, in national news….”


2008: No entry.
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.



11-29-09 – The Cookies & the Wonkas. — 13 Comments

  1. Your “newscast” was hilarious. I think my favorite bit was Violet Beauregard’s “Thanks, Brick. According to the view out the window, it looks like it’s cloudy with a chance of SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! I AM GOING TO CATCH THAT SQUIRREL AND EAT IT PARDON ME WHILE I POUND ON THE WINDOW WITH MY PAWS. ::CHATTER::CHATTER::CHATTER::” LOL

    PS BTW have you seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8&feature=? Teh cute

  2. At the squirrel part, my husband actually came down the stairs to inquire why I was laughing my head off 😀

  3. Okay, this has to be THE BEST news program ever! I laughed so hard that two napping kitties woke up from deep slumber, wondering why the human was making this odd noise!

  4. ROFL!!! Robyn, that was priceless!!

    What a great post to come back to after a “mini sabbatical!” Caught up on your goings on over Thanksgiving week… yay for Lafayette and super yay for negative tests!!!!

  5. Therapists recommend that depressed patients avoid the news because it is so depressing(I’ve been told personally and several friends have). Any therapist would gladly recommend Robyn’s clever hysterical adorable all kitten news cast! If only the real deal could be so much fun. You are some writer!!!!