“Mom, look! Mom! MOM! Look, Mom, I’m pretending like I’m dead! Like I died with my eyes open! Don’t I look like I’m dead for real? I’m not, though, don’t worry, Mom. But I could be! But I’m not. I’m not, Mom. Take a picture Mom, quick! I can’t hold this pose for long!”

“Mom! MOM! Look, I look like I died with my tongue hanging out of my mouth! Like Sugarbutt choked me! I look real dead, don’t I? You should put up this picture in your journal you write about me, and tell everyone I died! With my tongue hanging out of my mouth! That would be funny! But I’m not dead, Mom. Remember, I’m not dead.”

“Bob! BOB! Bob, over here! I spend 23 hours of my day on this bed, why are you looking all around like you don’t KNOW where I am? All “Duhhhhr? I don’t know where that voice is COMIN’ from! Is it god? Is it satan? Am I goin’ crazy?” Bob, bring me some of that primo catnip, wouldya? Yeah, I KNOW you’re not my errand boy, GOD, just BRING IT HERE or I’ll send Tommy to kick your BUTT, and you know he’ll do it. That boy’s crazy. Got them crazy eyes.”

Tom Cullen on the back end of a yawn. Best. Picture. EVER.

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